Listening to My Gut and Chasing the Big Scary Goal

I’ve been a mental mess lately. I suppose I could blame it on hormones or a poor night’s sleep or my lumbar spine giving me all sorts of painful problems. But I think I know the real reason I’ve been so unfocused. No, no, I definitely know the reason. And it’s nerve-racking to even write down and present publicly to you, my dear audience, because it’s about a big scary goal I’ve been sleeping on for a very long time, a goal that is finally fed up with being ignored. But goals are personal, and they crack open this vulnerable space that allows doubt to seep in along with anticipation and excitement, and when you tell someone about a goal, you make it tangible. A goal creates expectations, which is stressful and good, all at once. So I’ve got all of these complex emotions twisting around and blocking any productive thought from happening. As always, when this sort of thing happens, I turn to writing.

Photo credit: Kaitlyn Hull Photography 

So here we are, my big scary goal.

You might not know this because I never talk about it, but I have a master’s in secondary education. I taught high school English in a Michigan public school for a very hot second before my daughter (and Covid) arrived. I’d be telling a fat lie if I said I enjoyed teaching that subject in that setting. I was not at all prepared for how much work teaching requires. Meeting the demands of the standards while seamlessly weaving the curriculum into my lesson plans while also ensuring differentiation strategies were practiced and parents were happy was overwhelming, to say the very least. All that paired with the emotional burden of caring for students with difficult social and family lives was more than I could mentally handle, and I had multiple panic attacks because of it. I loved my students. I loved watching their confidence grow. I loved meeting them and talking with them about their goals and struggles. I loved that aspect of being a teacher. But the rest was too much, and once Covid hit, I knew I wouldn’t be going back to a public school for a very long time. Public school teachers are saints and deserve so much more than they’re given.

Yet, there’s a part of me that has always regretted giving up on education. I have a bachelor’s and master’s degree that I’ve tossed to the side to pursue art and business. It feels wasteful and wrong. All that time and money spent on studying a subject, only to abandon it for something entirely different. I certainly don’t regret following this creative path I’m on, but I have a lot of regrets about throwing in the towel on education. So, what if I changed that? What if I married education to my art and taught watercolor? Gasp! There it is, my big scary goal.

I think this whole idea started evolving the first time I hosted a watercolor workshop for a group of Coast Guard spouses back in Sitka. I had never taught anyone what I know about watercolor, unless you count the time my husband and I sat in our basement during Covid and I showed him how to paint trees - what a lesson that was! But that live workshop was life-giving. It was a ton of work, sure, and I was terribly nervous beforehand because imposter syndrome is a very real thing. But the second I picked up my paintbrush and began instructing, I heard myself come alive. I could talk about watercolor for hours, about what happens when you add wet paint to wet paper and when and why to use that technique. I could talk about the importance of quality watercolor paper, the differences between hot press and cold press and why paper is the biggest difference-maker in a good painting and a not-so-good one. I could go on and on about how to effortlessly blend paint and how to use clean water and gravity to create mist on paper. I just…yeah. I love it so much, and I’m feeling a strong pull to bring that love to an educational setting.

Whether I teach more in-person workshops, film mini Youtube tutorials, or create a comprehensive digital course (or do all three!), I know this is an area I need to explore, but I need your help! I’d love to gather your thoughts on your experiences with watercolor and whether you’ve ever or would ever consider taking a class or course to learn the art. So, if you have two minutes, could you do me a favor and complete this survey? You won’t be suckered into anything by filling this out for me. It’s just market research - nothing more, nothing less! I would be so very grateful for your time and insight. Here’s the survey link again: CLICK HERE.

Here’s to listening to your gut and chasing big scary dreams!!!

Slap that on a motivational poster, am I right?

As always, thanks for reading my words, and thanks for following and supporting my business endeavors. I appreciate you big time.

Cheers,

Shelby